This Is My Depression

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By Elizabeth Penn

Depression is getting in bed at 6 pm just because you can’t deal with the real world anymore. Depression is holding back tears every time you drive. Depression is purposely reliving your most painful memories. Depression is watching other people laugh and wondering if you will ever be like them.

Depression is having people treat you as if you are broken. Depression is being numb and feeling nothing. Depression is taking a pill that is supposed to help you feel better every day. Depression is nothing. Depression is my every thought. Depression is crying to your best friend, or the stranger who accidentally asked you how you are doing. Depression is when friends make jokes about how you need therapy or medication.

Depression is feeling like you have no one to talk to. Depression is not wanting to burden the people you do have to talk to. Depression is non existent for periods of time. Depression is the fear that comes when it isn’t there — anticipating when it shows back up.

Depression is random. Depression is unpredictable. Depression is biological. Depression is painful. Depression is life changing. Depression is deadly. Depression is real. Depression is unfixable.

Depression is getting out of bed anyway. Depression is talking. Depression is friendship. Depression is life. Depression is a reason to fight. Depression is a reason to teach. Depression is a reason to learn.

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