I feel a deep discomfort when I should really be happy

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Who has never had a bad phase in life? All of us have undoubtedly had falls and they have caused us an uneasiness. However, as we shared the situation with our loved ones, they gave us answers like the following: “well, the past in the past is, now we must look forward”, “stop thinking about it and try to be happy”, etc.

What is behind these “past waters do not move mills,” or the “now you have to stand up and keep fighting”? Does it mean that I can not be affected by the bad things that happen to me? Does it mean that if something affects me I have to pretend and continue as if nothing had happened? Do we have to be happy despite the circumstances?

No! Happiness as a flag In today’s society it is enacted that we should be happy regardless of anything. We can not be sad, nor anguished, nor angry. Happiness is taken as a flag, we see it everywhere. The reality is that being happy is wonderful, how are we going to deny it? happy woman They bombard us with messages of joy, happiness and optimism, both in social networks and in the media.

So much so that when someone does not feel as happy as he or she should, feelings of frustration are generated, since reality is not in line with expectations. The uneasiness comes and with it come thoughts like “if he’s happy, why do not I?” It turns out that being happy without caring about the circumstances is too complicated for us, is not it?

If something does not go as planned or something bad happens to us, negative emotions arise, without us having too much room to avoid it. So, what happens, should not we be happy or can we not feel bad in certain situations? Of course it’s great to be happy, but we also have to avoid the act of empowering the negative feelings that we can have at a given moment, thinking that we should feel good.
Why and why do negative emotions arise?
Emotions arise as our body’s response to certain situations. However, how do they appear one or the other? This depends on the appreciation that the individual gives to what happens. Thus, positive emotions are those that generate pleasant feelings. They appear when you evaluate the situation as positive, so you do not need to mobilize resources to try to change or get out of this situation.

Negative emotions generate unpleasant feelings. They appear when a situation is judged to be harmful, causing us to mobilize many resources to face it and overcome it. Thus, in order to “move on”, as our relatives say, it is necessary that such negative emotions appear.

For example, if something causes us fear, it makes us try to protect ourselves. However, when something irritates us, it makes us prepare to defend ourselves against possible harm. If what we feel is disgust, that emotion will drive us away from what can be harmful or “toxic” to us. And when we are sad, this sadness helps us accept the loss, making us reflect so we can reintegrate what happened.

So, should we get carried away by emotional malaise?
Good question! As we have seen, the fact is that emotions arise in order to adapt as best we can to the different situations and the various changes that take place around us. This means that they are necessary, both positive and negative.

The key is to know when emotions can be harmful to us. If they invade us very often, they can cause various psychosomatic illnesses, as well as anxiety or mood disorders. How can we differentiate a normal emotion from a harmful one? To do this, we have a series of parameters:

Number of episodes. Refers to the number of times negative emotions are presented. If the frequency is low, no problem. The problem occurs when they appear repeatedly,
Intensity of emotion. When we feel light or medium, it is a normal malaise, not when the intensity is high.
Duration of emotion. When it is limited and goes away after the event that caused it disappears, it means that it is fulfilling its function. But if, on the contrary, it has an extended duration, it becomes harmful to us.
Kind of reaction. If it is a response that is expected given the situation that triggers it, so that other people have already reacted in the same way to this same fact, the emotion is not pathological. A sign of abnormality may be, in this case, when the reaction is disproportionate.
Suffering that causes. If it is limited and transient, the malaise you are having is normal. The opposite happens if the suffering is strong and lasting.
Interference in everyday life. When it interferes subtly or not, it is not being harmful to us. However, if it interferes in a profound way in daily life, it is quite harmful.
sad woman

In understanding what has been said above, we must realize that it is beneficial for us to have negative emotions appear when they have to appear. We do not have to avoid this malaise, but it’s also not a good idea to abandon it. Here comes the ability to control emotions. Once they have helped to deal with a concrete fact properly, they must disappear. So we can, once and for all, be happy and move on.

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